i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
