we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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