a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
