I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
