I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
