What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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