there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
where are my eyebrows?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
