Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize