I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
