I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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