I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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