Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I met the friendliest cop last night
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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