After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Who died my cat blue again?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
