The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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