did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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