She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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