You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
