i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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