I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I still have a little drunk in my system
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
