Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
why is half of my head shaved?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
