Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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