I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
