you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
