im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
