If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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