I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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