didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
That was an excessively violent trivia night
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
