This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize