one word: firstdatebathroomanal
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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