Me too!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
