so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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