Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
