My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
