I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
