After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
