i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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