She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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