I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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