I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
