so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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