yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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