maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
