found the other keg... it's in the tree
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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