dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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