Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
