Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize