i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
