"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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