Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
