There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize