So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
