Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
