it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
