She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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