You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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