i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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