youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
