Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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