i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
