Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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