Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
