The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
