Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
