worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
