maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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