I accidentally had phone sex last night
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize