There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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