I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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