so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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