I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
