So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
All I want is dick and wine.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
